my lucky star. <3

All the things that has took place today made me felt as if I was on a roller coaster ride. The feelings and emotions had a huge contrast, both on the either extreme sides. 

Producer was irresponsible, and then female lead mia which cause the whole of filming schedule to be screwed up and the thought of having to reshoot everything, everyone’s mood was alil down. We were kinda lost, and also frustrated because there’s so much to settle. But then I shall not go on and talk about this part because it’s the worst feeling ever regarding school work. 

And since we can’t film today, we headed home at one, I took bus home and then text to meet baby for lunch together at Jp. So it was like, I FINALLY GET TO SEE MY DEAREST SILLLIEST BABY AFTER FIVE LONG DAYS. It’s the longest record after since we got together kay! So he gave me a hug immediately when we met at the bus stop, and it was so nice to be smelling him again after so long. If I weren’t wearing skirt, I would already be lifting up my legs already. 😀 

So we went to have lunch, and then went to look for my rubberband, and then decided to catch a movie. We watched ‘Meet the parents: Little fockers’ and it was quite interesting and hilarious.

And most importantly, I learnt something really meaningful about marriage. However at the same time, I really got the idea of not getting married is maybe not that bad. I got a feeling I will be a wife who does things that will push husband to the hands of other women, i don’t know- but most likely. Or I should put it this way, the day when I ‘m able to trust the guy to certain a great extent, I will be ready for marriage. Trust as in, I know he will be faithful to me, and when I saw him with another girl, I will still believe that nothing on is going between them before I have concrete evidence or whatsoever. Marriage is really a huge challenge for ladies. To be able to manage and hold up a family, we still have to worry if we will still be physically attractive to our spouse. It would be good if you got yourself a husband who appreciates everything you do and efforts you put in, and still loves you for how you are, or else, your husband would be hugging and kissing another lady behind your back already. 

Everything is just so hard to say.
P.s I heard my friend saying that his friend who is attached for 1 year 5 months, he already kissed 5 girls excluding his own girlfriend since they got together. So in the other words, that attached guy kissed 5 girls behind his girlfriend back. Totally dumb ass. Oh, that was an understatement by the way. Don’t break a girl’s heart like this.

In short, a real good guy is someone who loves his girl wholeheartedly and is willing to do anything to see her smile. But the truth is, you can’t find one anywhere anymore. Maybe one or two in a million, but that’s rare. But okay, vice versa. You can’t find  wonderful girl with looks with hot body that easy either. 

Nuff said, it’s time I head for bed and get my filming done and be ready for Sentosa on Thursday ! 😉

Byyeeeeee peeps!

I am finding my way.

Today’s a monday and aweek ago was a disastrous one though it was the start of holiday, but then things aren’t the same anymore. Things are slowly back on track and I’ve got more reason to smile each day. 

Throughout that week, I got to see those friends who texted right upon they found out, and those who got all so worried. That was the time when I know who has always been the one stretching their arms all the way out to catch me when I fall. And that includes all my clique besties (gella shin hui kim kai etc) ♥ , Mabel lim, DPA besties/brothers ( mel keryn serena jasper weilun etc) and everyone ! THANKS GUYS.  (:

And one person I would like to thank is my dearest baby. This month has been a rather hard month for us, we start to face conflicts and disputes and that landed us in really bad situation many times, however, I believe we will work things out fine. There are times we said things to hurt each other, but right deepest in our heart, i am sure, we still do love and care about each other a lot. You know what, at the very least, I am. I initiate break up, for various reasons, and which I found out to be similar reasons why other couples broke up too actually. But then, you were different, you seems so predictable, yet so unpredictable. Times when I feel that you’re so mean, but yet you’re actually doing something that I could sense how much you love me. And that cause me to be in a on & offs situations all the time I could be oh-so-upset this minute and then laughing so widely the next. You’re special. The very tiny whiny little things you do never fails to cheer my whole mood up. Just like this morning when you texted me ‘Morning bibi! :D” I totally feel so motivated to carry on with my work. My whole spirits was lifted up by such simple text. That is how influential you are. But well, pros and con though. And when last night I felt so worn out after doing all my work, you gave me a call out of nowhere and you seems to take away all my weariness. I hear you sing, and my heart can’t help but to feel so..calm and serene. It seems like I could have you forever, singing to me. And then the whole conversation was so entertaining and I wish the night wouldn’t end. But then i ruined the last two minutes of the call, opps! I guess I’m just being a lil greedy like always. And I spent the night listening to music away until daybreak.

And that’s when filming in school starts today, which i have no intention to share at all because it sucks so much. So my point is, I’m glad that even after all the time I behaved like a baby, he’s still holding on to me, loving me, and being there for me all the time. I know he’s learning to take in all my weaknesses. Hmm, we will just learn along the way! No couple has smooth sailing relationship, all these obstacles are meant to strengthen the foundation of the r/s, and so I believe we’ll go stronger once we braved through all these. 

I said all these similar things to him before i initiated break up. And let’s be honest, and I’ll own up my mistake. I shouldn’t have let go of him so easily when we already agreed on going through whatever amy come together. I just want him to know, I’ve really never stopped loving you when I chose to leave you. I just wished to see you happier, and I wanted the best for you. But then, at least at this moment, we know we needed each other. After that week, I know I hated how life is without you. And thus the more you can trust how much I really want you by my side after experiencing how it is without you. Trust me. Just this last time. 

We will do it great this time round yeah. 
Lastly, I love you. Never a bit lesser. (:

And oh oh oh! Today’s a really important day ,
cause it’s my dad’s birthday ! 😀

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST HANDSOME AWESOME DAAAD ! ♥

Dearest dad on whole wide universe! 😉

My loveliest family ♥

 

TILL HERE. (:

rainbow’s out! :)

Hey readers, thanks for all the concern which is evident that ever since my FB status changed, my blog view has never been below 30 everyday. I know most of you out there are concern about me and him. US. Thanks guys, for being there for us all the time. And for those we’re just here to catch some entertainment, I’m sorry, things worked out fine already and the show ended. We’re back together. 🙂

But then just now I stumbled across Alda’s blog and found a post that sounded so much like me. The ‘me’ who initiated broke up. I am guilty for actually feeling consoled that I’m not the only girl in this world feeling so. i thought I was weird. Maybe all girls do feel so at certain point of time in r/s. I have yet to figure out the right and wrong side, but I guess it always takes two hands to clap. When a problem occurred, both side definitely have wrong, and should sit down nicely and have a talk. But then my wrong was to initiate it because I failed him. I didn’t kept my promise to him. And secondly, I wasn’t thoughtful enough I guess. I made a choice that I thought was good for him, but it wasn’t. The fact that I couldn’t do without him is also another reason why my decision was wrong. I need him so much. The two days without him was the longest time in my life, cause i never felt time could tickle off so slowly like it’s been years. But then, I’m not going to explain much. What’s over is over. For my part, I’m going to cut down all the wrong thinking and after listening to what Keryn said to me, I’ve corrected my mindset already. I believe we’ll work harder to keep this relationship going steady together. (: 

Hor baby? 😉

And just in case you’re wondering, below is the post i was referring to:

Every one would say the start of a r/s would be sweet and afterwards everything will start to turn sour when both parties meet with ups and downs. It’s true. But this is happening to us so much more frequently especially during my examination period. Maybe it is my fault, so I apologised. How about you? Are you even behaving like what a boyfriend should?

Even the simplest of holding hands now has to be initiated by me. Ya, I know, what’s wrong with a girl initiating? However, it is so frequent to the extent that I noticed it. It’s ok you know, but it just makes me think about this r/s more.

I’m so sure even my friends treasure me so much more than you do. Some might be also willing or wants to talk to me on the phone, even through the night. How about you? Sleep is definitely more important I don’t deny, but you don’t even ASK to call me. You don’t try anymore. It’s always me doing it already.

Have you ever wondered I might just like another person if this goes on? Oh I think it wouldn’t matter to you since you were just waiting to get rid of me ‘cos you’re sick of me? Idk what kind of person you are now, I seriously have no idea. I’ve lost trust in you. Every time I believed in you, you fail me time and again. Any idea how much courage it must take a person to believe in a person who cheated them, again?

I still care about you and you still matter to me. But am I the same to you? I don’t know. Tell me an answer, somebody.

I don’t want to relate you to anyone. I don’t even want to say you’re behaving like who now ‘cos you might just get so pissed with me. I’m not somebody you can mess with. However, I’m taking in so much because I want to save this relationship. What can I do to TOUCH you even, and get into this r/s again?

You’re different. You don’t try like last time anymore. I’m just a pain in your eyes. Maybe you won’t believe me. But you can take a look at the smses you sent me before and the start of this r/s. So different. Everything changed this year. And more things are going to change, it’s coming our way.

Moreover, now that you have a job, I doubt you will care about me. Every night you’d be like “Oh I’m very tired today work the whole day…. blah blah” then good night. That’s it! All I ask for is a little concern, or just a short talk, I’m content. But no, that’s it, THAT’S IT. You just end off like that. You left me hanging.

Dear God, please, can you help me? I have nightmares so often and I’m sure tonight I’ll have again. Am I very pathetic? Am I asking for too much? Dear lord, please guide me. Lend me your hands and hold me along this dark journey. In your name I pray, Amen.

And alda, if you ever read my blog, i just want to let you know, I’m just a call away if you ever need a listening ears. Light will always appear after the darkest hour, don’t be too affected. (:

Just before I end the post, I just want to apologize to my baby for the last time. I will not let go of you so easily ever again. & also, Thanks for not leaving when I chose to let go.

I love you bi.

life goes on.

People, 

This is really going to be hard period for him and I, but I’m sure we’ll make it through. We will be fine soon.

Don’t worry friends, I will be back soon. Tomorrow is the last day I am going to allow myself to be so upset, I will start on work soon. I believe that will take away all the time I have to anyhow think.

thoughts differ.

Girl:

I broke up with him today.. I told him I wasn’t happy. He didn’t even ask why. I thought he would ask me to stay, but he didn’t. He just let me go. And just like that ..I lost the guy I waited for so long ):

Boy:

She broke up with me today. She said she wasn’t happy. I was too hurt to ask why. I wanted to stop her, but if she isn’t happy with me, I can’t make her stay. And just like that ..I lost the girl I’ve been dreaming of for so long ):

 

– via tumblr

Meaning of true love.

That’s subjective. But i’ll say from my own point of view.

True love is when you come to the point that, there’s one person that you need in your life and also needs you in their life. Make sure that person makes your life beautiful and it doesn’t matter whether she/he is beautiful or handsome or not cos when you’re in love with that person, you’ll always see him/her as a good and beautiful person.

It’s also all about self-improvement. True love is not all about happiness. But discovery about yourself, your ability to love someone besides yourself. And along the way you learn things from your love and believe it or not, you’ll be doing the same for your love. What matters is the awareness and the will to help and guide each other to be better.

Last but not least, trust and acceptance. Trust is the basis and i don’t have to explain about this point. And true love is accepting the person fully, not just the person’s character, flaws, feelings, or habits…. but rather, their pain and sorrow and problems. You’re sharing their pain, happiness and sorrow. And so are they.

-Via tumblr ; Sunsetblues

 

Now the system is on the brink.

Yesterday school was really a boring one, I had no one to text with (cause baby had to study for his paper), and the time passed like it’s crawling forever. But then lunch with Ruoxin & Serene @ Alumni Club was not bad. And then then waited for the two girls in SIM library and waited for a text that didn’t come, and I fell asleep. 

Headed for class, and then off to library to watch movie while waiting for baby to finish his paper. So I watched ‘P.s I love you’. Initially I didn’t want to watch because it sounded like any other romance movie, but to my surprise, it turned out nice. The plot was a little unexpected, the flow and the plot of the movie was sweet and nice. And through the movie, I’ve realised things, and got something out of it. A pity that I didn’t have the chance to finish up the whole movie. I will try to rent it again next time to finish it up though. 

So after that headed to meet Baby at Atrium and took bus down to meet the rest, and met Lihui at SIM bus stop. He keep going on and on about his paper, and I like how he lies on my arm like a baby. ♥ The dinner was great because LIHUI + MARCIA + BABY = will be very noisy. haha! So yeah, baby sent me home after that, and he gave me a hug. I love that hug! (: 

But then, everything changed after that, because thoughts flooded me so much that I could no longer respond well anymore. I feel like I’m walking on the thinest thread on the Earth now, and I might fall off anytime as he wishes.

As much as I hope to, I don’t know what to do to salvage the situation. I really don’t know how to move on from here ):

Will be having event in the evening, hope that will help me not to think so much ):
And the fact is, I was the one who brought up everything and yet I am missing him now. And what’s worse is, I still want him, need him, and love him very much. Stupid & dumb me.

Happy one year old to sttatuesque.wordpress.com !

 

My blog is now 1 year 8 days old now! 😀 (Y)

Lee Wan Qi ; my lil cousin!

 

Recently I haven’t been updating because I turned in at around eleven/twelve  to let my body rest, while my baby stays up to revise for his CT (but each night he ended up calling me in the middle of the night and say that he got no mood to studyyyyyy) X: 
But I like to hear his voice so randomly when I was sleeping halfway ♥ hehe!

Just a short update:

Monday: Late for class, had Bratwrust hotdog bun with Ruoxin for lunch, and meet baby to go home together. (He broke his game record, if only he is as good in real life cutting vegetables, LOL!)

And he bought kinder Bueno for me while waiting for my lecture to end after his paper! 😀 

Tuesday: Went for class at 11, and went to Jp to get baby’s christmas present (less than ten bucks only, because he doesn’t allow me to spend more than that -,-), met him on train to go school together, he went for his paper @convention and we went home, together with Shin & Jiaqi, after my lecture and his paper. 

Overdue photos:

Baby so cuteeeee right? 😀

Photos with Lee Wan Qi ,
If you’re wondering, she’s my grandma’s sister’s grandchildren. According to my dad, she’s just my cousin. So yeah, she’s my cousin. 😉 

She’s so cute! She told me she will be going back to Malaysia on the 24th, she ask me to come back for dinner (@ my grandma house) everyday. And she insisted sitting next to me during dinner, so sweet right? She loves to put her her head on my arms when eating too, LOL! 

And before I end, just a random part: My baby & dad speaks alike! D: Really. They both replied me that Pig are clever animals whenever I scold someone pig. And also other things too, so much so that I wonder if my dad went into baby’s body X: HAHAH

mac + kfc + subway, wonderful with baby

♥ my sweetheart (:

Seems like everyone’s interested to know why my boyfriend’s crazy that the view hit 55 yesterday! LOL 

Anyway, today woke up to have breakfast with mum & sister and then sleep till my baby’s awake, and we texted till 2 plus and we prepared to head to Tamah Jurong Mac to study with shin. And it was greaaaaaat, and oh, baby got alil bit more fats already X: We took bus there together, went to sheng siong to walk around and then study! Halfway through I went to kfc to have dinner with family and went back to find them and to continue study. And in between baby and I started camwhoring. haha! 

And so, allan came at around 7 plus, and we headed over to Subway to have their dinner and we took bus home. To sum it up, it’s a wonderful day, a beautiful night. But then the moment i parted with him, everything screwed up. The 49 photos we took became 9. WTS ):

oh whatever, i’m ending here! 
I shall update more when I have more photos!

The sick ladyyyyyyyyy !

I drew this on his hand ! 😀

Okaaaaay, that’s all for photos! BYEEE & GOODNIGHT PEOPLE! 😉